The Pieces

Blogging

I blog very seldom. Perhaps because most of the things I would want to talked about cannot be talked about here. Real things. That matter. Things that happen in my life. From the past. From the present. Reality. It is something that cannot simply be worked through on something that seems so unreal. To simply put it.

Needs Statement

So for the last three weeks, I have been working on the needs statement part of my proposal for my proposal writing class. Don’t let that fool you, the needs statement is seriously way harder than it sounds. Not only do I have to to say what the need is for a certain population, I also have to prove it to be so through statistics and case studies. For some populations, this is no problem. There are tons of statistics out there for issues dealing with homelessness, disabilities, obesity, child abuse, etc. Of course, I pick the most underground population ever- human trafficking. This means that statistics and fact are scarce, and research is a living headache.

The general outline for a needs statement is as follows:

A. The Nature and Extent of the Problem

Finding national, state, and area data on a comparable level

B. Factors contributing to the problem

Lack of what?

C. What is the Impact

Describing impact on a individual, family, and community level

D. Promising Approaches for Addressing the Problem

One program that is working and providing substantial statistics

There is a lot more to this outline. This is how I would put it in brief…

I am finally on the last part of this statement…. However, I still need to cut out a lot of what I have written, and cite what I have said. I have never been one to not cite as I go in my papers, EVER, but since my research has been all over the place, and I have been editing and reconstructing this thing from the start in order to make a strong case, I have just put in parenthesize the organization or website I found the information from. 

I have really been stressed out over this whole thing. I think half of it is due to perfectionism, and the other half due to desiring a 4.0 average this semester. I’m also feeling pressure because grad school is on the line as well.

Through and through though, I will be happy for when the time will come to let this go… Wednesday, October 5, 2011!!!  

emptiness

I’ve really been feeling this spirit weighing heavy on me lately. It is causing relapse in many areas of my life. There is so much going on right now. I feel like I am being reminded of the places that are really lacking in my life, and it has caused me to surrender into cycles right now. Ugh… I don’t want to be here, and I am tired of all this self- awareness and fighting. Trust is becoming limited…

My Proposal Writing Project

So as part of my curriculum as a human services major, I have to take a proposal writing class. For those of you who don’t know, a proposal can be this long document that you create. In it is research and a well designed program that you have constructed that will improve the need population you are targeting. This is all so that you can get a government grant. This is not submitted to a government agency, or to a real grant funder foundation, my proposal is for educational purposes only. It has to be 25 pages long and it must meet the criteria to the T or else you do not get credit. 

Right now I am working on just the needs/ problem statement part of the proposal (approximately 7 to 9 pages long). This section of the proposal is strictly all research. It is so the funder can have an idea of the problem you are stating on a national level, state level, county level, and city/ area level.It requires a lot of statistics, and a lot of facts.

I chose the population of human trafficking victims- a very bold a challenging population to try to research. It has been three days now, and I am still looking for statistics and information. It really saddens me that in the course of ten years, the government has only begun to scrape the surface of this population. In my proposal, this is going to be the focus. So many sources are saying so many different things, and giving me different numbers… completely. I have no choice to go from the angle of the issue is still very much unknown.

I don’t know yet what kind of population within human trafficking I want to focus on, nor do I know what services I want to provide, or if I want to be a rescue service, or an undercover researcher… so much is still in the making..

I know this is going to be a challenging process, and I have three weeks to do just this part of the proposal. I am a perfectionist, so this is a struggle for me. It has been extremely hard in just these past couple of days to not feel completely overwhelmed.

Blogging always helps though. :)

More to come

Ke$ha

i know ppl hate on her, but I have to say, when she is herself, she shine bight. I love this photo of her. Gorgeous!!!

The Dilemma

These past few weeks I have been contemplating on moving back to my parents house for the remainder of my undergraduate career and the entirety of my graduate career. There are so many pros and cons to consider with making this decision… I wish it was a clear path. My heart and head feel mangled thinking about it. I need some guidance… some Divine guidance.

The Detox

I feel like an addict trying to detox myself from the dumb decision I made Monday. I feel edgy and shaky, and things don’t look how they seem. I hate this process so much. Migraines, irritability,  dizziness, lack of an appetite, etc. I can’t believe that two conversations has taken such a deep affect on me. I feel lost again, and kind of fuzzy. Where am I going? What am I doing? Life is just a blurry prison right now.

New Beginnings

It is a new year. I know I am a little late on wishing everyone a Happy New Year, but better late than never, right? To be honest I wasn’t very excited for the new year, or at least the celebration surrounding it. Perhaps it was because it was wrapped up in the holidays, or I was tired, or even missing India- as usual. Whatever the reason, I wasn’t up to celebrate. I always have the tendency of looking back an feeling disappointed. Looking back and wishing I did X, Y, and Z differently. Regretting the mistakes. This year, my roommate, her brother, her brother’s friend, and I went to Dave and Busters, and had a couple of drinks, and just chilled for the night. It was pretty low key, and I was appreciative of that. Later, I really reflected about what I have been trying to pursue these past few months, and even slowly starting to accomplish. I really have been trying to live my life in a way to receive forgiveness and healing, as well as to accept it. It has been a long, painful, and much needed process, and this year I want to continue doing this in even a stronger light. So some goals I am going after this year are: losing weight, yes, so cliche, but I am not doing it for the reasons I had before now. I am doing it because I am trying to gain health and happiness. Another is read the Bible in the order it was written in a year, I have always wanted to do that… The third I think would be to not settle, but to excel. The fourth is to finish out school strongly, and take big leaps towards my passions and helping others while using education as a tool. Lastly, it would be to continue to do what is necessary to live my life in freedom according to His plan; to take action and do what is necessary to uncover what has been swept under the rug for so long. I want to cry away the pain so that these puss oozing wounds will be purified and healed leaving only a light scar. I can feel it deep down in my heart that 2011, this year is full of hope and light.